MY SINGLEHOOD EXPLAINED

I’m 25 and everybody is asking why I ain’t married or even in a relationship yet. Friends, relatives, students, co-workers and even my parents are so eager for me to finally settle down. I used to laugh because they seem to worry about it so much when I am happy with my current state. I tell them many reasons like I have many other priorities like my sister and family, career, and stability.

That’s how I thought so. I was certain with all my heart that I will live up to my name as “Florence Nightingale” and focus on healing this sick world. I was cynical about being in a relationship or even getting married because of the increasing rate of divorce and broken homes. Yes, there are so many couples who stay together but we know for a fact that majority of them are just together because of the children. (Hello? Where's the kilig2x, the magic and the spark now?) I have witnessed so much pain and suffering and I am too scared to experience them myself. I have made a vow that I would rather be single so I could ease the pain and suffering of others than be in a relationship where I would be miserable.

Yes, I’ve fallen in love, once twice and I’ve learned many lessons from those experiences. God only knows how traumatizing those experiences were. The last time I’ve been really hurt was (4) 3 years ago. From then till now, I’ve created many friendships with men who tried to win me because that’s the only thing I could offer (friendship). From them, there were about 3 good men whom my mind wanted to accommodate but my heart wasn’t ready. They were God-fearing, upright and tempting. I thought they were different. I thought they were serious when they said they were willing to wait. I thought they said they were constantly praying that we end up together. Those 3 guys, at different circumstances and time period told me similar promising words. My coldness and no interest in forming intimate relationships led them to give up and pursue a more realistic relationship with other girls. People blame me for not giving them a chance. People blame me for being alone. People tell me I wasted the chance of being possibly happy with one of those Godly men.

I should say, “So what? I wasn’t/am not interested anyway.” But I realized that my lack of interest was all because of fear--fear to compromise; fear to be broken again; fear to lose focus from my goals and aspirations; fear to have nothing left for myself. So, upon finding out they have someone new, I can tell everyone that I was right about being cold on them. They weren’t even able to stand the test of waiting and pursuing. I realized that even God-fearing and harmless men are feeble. I’m sorry but feeble men don’t have space in my life. I’m not playing hard to get, I’m just cautious.

Call me old-fashioned. At least I saved and will save myself from unnecessary pain and suffering!

If they weren’t able to withstand time and coldness, how much more when more problems come our way? How much more when life gets harder? How much more when there will be children to prioritize?

Recently, I figured out that I don’t want to be alone. Life is lonely when you have no one to share your innermost feelings with. Yes, friends are there but they too will find someone who will be the center of their life and I’d be left as their sideline to give cheer and counsel whenever they are in need. I have opened my mind and heart to the wanting of settling down. Something is lacking in my life and I realized that. I have been giving too much of myself to my sister, family and students and I am drained. I know God can fill my love cup but it is human nature to seek company. I know our Father understands that there’s a missing piece in my life. I know God will give me someone who isn’t feeble. I know He will give me the best since I have always been my best. I know He will give me someone who deserves what I’m willing to give up. I know he will give me someone who knows how to value love, principles, sincerity, simplicity, family, compassion and commitment. 

I’m glad I never rushed nor compromised. I’m glad I allowed time to test sincerity. I’m glad I’m waiting for God’s perfect "gift" at His perfect time.