So, I've been ranting so much on FB lately & it isn't healthy. I guess I'll just have to expose the main reason here. I know it's too personal but I'm sure that this would be something I can look back to whenever I'd have regrets later on. Hopefully this would cure my "EMO-ness." hehehe
For almost 3 years now, I've been earnestly praying where God would put me. I've extended my stay here from the supposed to be 1 year, then 2, and now, it's 2 years & 5 months already. I'm blessed by being here. I've learned so much about life & I'm pretty sure I've accomplished what God wanted me to do here. In those 3 years of waiting, I looked for signs & answers.
Previously, my prayer was to be where my family wanted me to be--USA, with my Brother, Grandma, and all Aunts, Uncles & cousins from my Dad's side. But then, with the current status of Filipinos not being able to take NCLEX right away because of the need to go to school again, & my papers taking forever (almost 3 years now) to be processed, I'm pretty sure USA isn't meant for me after all.
As a daughter & as the youngest, I have a responsibility to care for my parents & my sister. They would soon be going home to Tupi where our house is. As much as possible, I don't want to be far from them. Although Kuya wants me in the US, I have stronger reasons of choosing not to. I hope he'll understand. I terribly miss him though!
I can still push my way to the U.S. if things change, but since I was young, I knew what I wanted. I wanted a simple life. People tell me I don't value the opportunity I have to be able to pursue the "American Dream" because all my life my parents have provided me a comfortable life. Maybe so! But my heart just wants a simple life. I've been reading E.G. White books since I was a kid. I've been trying to live my life in accordance to Biblical principles to please my Lord.
I've been raised in MVC with strict SDA parents who showed & emphasized what an Adventist home should be. We used our hands to work. We were trained to till the ground, to plant and to harvest. I can still remember the planting & harvesting contests between me and Kuya. I would never forget mingling with garland & flower vendors outside the Alumni Church during graduations because I had my Mom's bouquets & corsages to sell. People wouldn't believe we were trained in manual labor but that's the truth. My Mom followed E.G. White's counsels on raising kids. We were always preoccupied with improving our musical, mental & physical gifts. TV shows & movies were screened. We were always outdated with fashion & gadgets. We had less but we were happy, complete & contented.
Things changed when we moved out of MVC. I've experienced luxury & glamour. As the youngest with a spoiler older Brother, I've had it all, even those that I didn't ask for. I've seen & experienced how it is to live extravagantly. I loved it for awhile but I still long for what I ideally wanted--a simple Adventist home. I thank my parents for that. I want my own family to be like that, to be even better. Honestly, I would be happy being a plain housewife. I know some would think it's such a waste being one. Mind you, being a mother is a sacred task entrusted by God. It shouldn't be taken lightly. I look up to Godly mothers who give up everything to raise their children properly. If I couldn't be able to have that ideal family, there's no point in having one.
If ever I'm destined to bear the gift of singleness, then, I'd surely go wherever I can utilize everything I have. That's when I would want riches, power, achievements & degrees.
This post marks the decision I would be making a few months from now. I have been having sleepless nights thinking & praying if the choice I would be making is worth it. Well, for now, plans are set. I'm going home to the Philippines. If ever there would be blaming & regrets in the future, I'd go back & read this blog which I've made public hoping that there might be some out there who would understand me.
